The Big Four-Oh: 1,077 miles!

Today is my fortieth birthday! I was born March 31, 1969. That is four decades on this planet! What strikes me most about today is where I am in life. I am pleased with it. Why? The only thing I can think of is Psalm 40 from the Bible. THE MESSAGE words verses 1-3 this way:

"I waited and waited and waited for God.

At last he looked; finally he listened.

He lifted me out of the ditch,

pulled me from deep mud.

He stood me up on a solid rock

to make sure I wouldn't slip.

He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,

a praise song to our God.

More and more people are seeing this:

they enter the mystery,

abandoning themselves to God."

That is me. I feel God himself pulled me out of the ditch and rescued me. I feel so lucky to be living the lifestyle I am living today on my fortieth birthday. I am so happy that I have spent 16 of those 40 years with Chrisy. I am proud of that fact as we have built something that is valuable and lovely. I have four wonderful children who love me. As evidenced by this overwhelmingly joyful weekend that just passed, I also have a plethora of great friends. I am blessed.

Last year on March 31, 2008, I actually made a vow to myself. Nobody knew about it except God and me. I said, "The 365 days between my thirty-ninth and fortieth birthdays will be the healthiest year of my life." I meant that in the spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical sense. I really prayed a lot that God would grow me in all four of those realms. I think he did.

The aspect that is easiest to measure is the physical as I chose to gauge it with running. Since I said it was the days "in between" my birthdays, I will not count any run that I might do tonight. That said, I am looking at my running log for April 1, 2008 to March 30, 2009 and I have logged 1,077 miles of running during that time. That is an average of 89 miles per month. I actually went out for 213 runs during that time. The average distance of those runs was 5 miles per run. My average pace has been 8.01 minutes per mile. I feel really good about this accomplishment.

A wise counselor I once had told me that it took about 60 times of doing something to make it an actual "habit" in life. I honestly never knew if I could consistantly stick with running over a long period of time like that. I am happy that, over the last year, I have developed this habit of running because I honestly feel like it has helped me to usher in this next decade of my life feeling very vibrant. In fifteen days I will be at a Springsteen concert and I'm certain he will pose his famous question: "Is anybody alive out there?" I will answer with a resounding, "Yes, I am!"

Today I take credit for nothing. I thank God that he taught me to sing his song. It is a trip how abandoning yourself to God leads to abundant life. It is indeed a mystery that surrender leads to freedom. I am happy.

Black Friday

Really loved the Op-Ed piece by Juliet Scher in the LA Times this morning. Titled "Bleak Friday," Scher writes:  "Scaling back on gifts and holiday spending this year suddenly seems like the socially acceptable thing to do. Spending liberally can feel unseemly. Even older children will recognize that these are unusual times." She also posits this question: "Facing such financial uncertainty, who would buy a new car, TV, stereo, or sofa?"

My favorite part though is this: "Don't feel guilty about it.  We can find better ways to support one another than funneling our money through giant multinationals in hopes that some trickles down to its employees . . . . I suggest more music, less wrapping paper."

Having just sent out an open letter to our families about no longer buying Christmas gifts, this article by Juliet Scher was received as a welcomed surprise this morning.

Thus, in honor (or in spite of) Black Friday, check out these sites:

Adbusters Buy Nothing Day
Advent Conspiracy
Rethinking Christmas
Debt-Proof Living/Cheapskate Monthly
Make Something Day
The Center for a New American Dream

Whole Lotta Shakin' Going On

That sure was exciting yesterday. We had a moderate earthquake here in the greater Los Angeles basin! I heard they downgraded it from a 5.8 to a 5.4 though. I was at work when it occured at 11:42 in the morning. The epicenter was located in Chino Hills which is only about 16 miles from the school I work at in Santa Ana. Of course, being at an elementary school, we had to have the students get down under the desk and all that. Some of the parents chose to come pick-up their kids early too. I've gotten to where earthquakes don't scare me too much, but of course now we're all thinking about the so-called "Big One" again. So, did you feel it?

Why I Teach

Part of me feels weird for doing this post. You know, it's not considered socially acceptable to "toot your own horn" and all, but if you know me well, you know I'm not above doing so! I became a teacher eight years ago and there's a reason I wanted to be a teacher. This post tells you why. I reason is I wanted to make a difference. Sometimes I wonder if I am and then, something like this happens to let me know that I am. That feels good. Honestly, I love my job.

Today at recess I saw a strange envelope in my mailbox at work. It was from a person I didn't know at the district office. Inside there was this note: "Mr. Lynd, Thought you would enjoy reading this essay from one of your former students." Attached was this wonderful essay from a student I had in third grade three years ago.

I remember Karina well. I remember everything she wrote about. I also adore the fact that she ends with a poltical statement too! What a crack-up! Turns out this is what she submitted for her sixth grade writing proficiency examination. The writing task was to write an expository essay about someone you know that deserves an award. In the grand fashion of George Bailey, Karina's composition makes me a very rich man. Here is what Karina wrote:

Someone I Know Deserves an Award

Do you know anyone that deserves an award? I do and if there ever was a competition for being "The Greatest Teacher" I would choose Mr. Lynd as a nominee. Mr. Lynd was my third grade teacher and he worked in the school, Remington. I had attended Remington the year before and that same year I had arrived to the U.S.A. from Mexico. While I was in second grade I didn't know any English, but when I moved to third grade in Mr. Lynd's class I learned English before the middle of the year! Every day Mr. Lynd would encouragae me to read in both English and Spanish. We would have to write a journal every day, but instead of me writing my journal, he would call me up to his desk, along with other kids that weren't very good talking or writing in English. He would sit with us and make us read little books that didn't have many sophisticated words in them. Then, after we would all finish the book, he would talk to us about what words we couldn't pronounce or read. One day I had a question about the word colonel and he told me that English was a very crazy language and that he would be glad to help me. That day I learned that the word colonel was pronounced like if it had an R, even if we couldn't see it, we had to say it. This was very difficult for me. Mr. Lynd even established a club that would help us with reading and writing. Mr. Lynd didn't just help us with learning, but he also helped us emotionally.

One day I got mad at this girl named Diana because of what she said about me and when Mr. Lynd found out he didn't get mad at us. He just made us stay after school and we had to solve our problem before we left. One Sunday afternoon my dad was driving and a car crashed our car from the back. I was very frightened because it was my first car crash and I started to cry. On Monday when I went to school, Mr. Lynd told me to tell him if I was okay and I told him about the car crash. He told me that he was also very frightened when he was in a car crash, but he told me he knew the perfect cure. He told me to write a story or book about what had happened and told me also to draw a picture of what I had seen. He said that it's always good to tell someone how you feel and I had done the right thing by telling him. Mr. Lynd was and is a very good teacher.

Some kids sometimes didn't like him because they said he was mean, but they didn't even have him. At first when I heard about Mr. Lynd being one of the meanest teachers at Remington I was terrified, but when I met him I noticed it was all lies and he was actually one of the nicest teachers. Mr. Lynd was a very cool teacher and he encouraged us with "Lynd Dollars!" Every time we got a good grade, Mr. Lynd would give us a "Lynd Dollar." These Lynd dollars became a source of encouragement for getting good grades. We could use the dollars to buy stuff like pencils, little toys, or 15 minutes of free time. Mr. Lynd told me one day that I was now officially an English speaker, which just meant that I had learned English in less than a school year. I was very happy and I got home and told my mom. The next day I told Mr. Lynd that it was all thanks to him that I could talk in English. He told me he was very happy that I didn't give up. If it wasn't for him maybe right now I wouldn't be talking in English or even writing this. I soon became one of his best students, or at least that's what he told me! I remember that my parents always say that Mr. Lynd was my best teacher ever! I am very thankful that he never lost hope for kids like me and little by little his club started disappearing because every kid would have succeded in English. He said he was very happy for all of us and he told us that every single step we take in our lifetime one day we would look back at it, which meant that every single choice we make, even the ones we think don't matter, will affect every minute in our future. I think Mr. Lynd would be the perfect nominee for "The Greatest Teacher" award! I especially remember these words that he told me the last day of school, If you keep believing in yourself you can accomplish many wonderful things in your lifetime, maybe even become the first woman president! That's why I hope Obama wins!

Good News on Father's Day!

So it's Father's Day.  Wes woke me up telling me that he made me breakfast.  He did. It was thoughtful and yummy.  Zoey and Kasey honored me with the love of a six and four year old as they brought me their school crafts that might as well have been Springsteen tickets. Chrisy got me pounds and pounds of my favorite Peet's Coffee. Max wrote these words to me:  "Dad, I love you soooo much.  I am so thankful for the things you do for me like make me eggs and clean the house.  And most of all I love it when you watch movies with me and teach me about music."  I think that last line meant so much to me because to me it meant, "I like YOU just the way you are, I like your interests, and I like to spend time with you."  Good stuff, huh?  But, it's hardly the best news of the day.

This morning in my junior high group at church I focused on the idea of "the Good News" and I essentially asked the kids if they truly believed that God loved them fully right now.  I drew heavily on one of the greatest books I've ever read.  It is called THE RAGAMUFFIN GOSPEL.  It's by Brennan Manning.  I really started thinking about this book again this morning. Something deep within my heart welled up saying, "Doah, my grace is the best gift you will ever receive. Doah, my grace is the best gift you could give to your children. What's more, you've got to tell this Good News to the junior highers!"

The best gift I ever received is recorded in Romans 1:17 and it says this:  

The Good News tells us how God makes us right in his sight.  This is accomplished from start to finish by faith.  As the Scriptures says, "It is through faith that a righteous person has life."

Here's a passage about this from Manning's book.  This comes from "Something Is Radically Wrong" which is the first chapter:

I believe the Reformation actually began the day Martin Luther was praying over the meaning of Paul's assertion that the gospel reveals the righteousness of God to us--it shows how faith leads to faith.  In other words, the righteous shall find life through faith (see Romans 1:17).  Like many Christians today, Luther wrestled through the night with this core question: How could the gospel of Christ be truly called "good news" if God is a righteous judge who rewards the good and punishes the evil? Did Jesus really have to come to reveal that terrifying message? How could the revelation of God in Christ Jesus be accurately called "news" since the Old Testament carried the same theme, or for that matter "good" with the threat of punishment hanging like a dark cloud over the valley of history?

"Justification by grace through faith" is the theologian's learned phrase for what Chesterton once called "the furious love of God."  He is not moody or capricious; He knows no seasons of change.  He has a single relentless stance toward us:  He loves us.  He is the only God man has ever heard of who loves sinners.  False gods--the gods of human manufacturing--despise sinners, but the Father of Jesus loves all, no matter what they do.  But of course, this is almost too incredible for us to accept. Nevertheless, the central affirmation of the Reformation stands:  Through no merit of ours, but by His mercy, we have been restored to a right relationship with God through life, death, and resurrection of His beloved Son.  This is the Good News, the gospel of grace.

My favorite passage may be this:

Here is the revelation bright as the evening star: Jesus comes for sinners, for those as outcast as tax collectors and for those caught up in the squalid choices and failed dreams.  He comes for corporate executives, street people, superstars, farmers, hookers, addicts, IRS agents, AIDS victims, and even used-car salesmen.  Jesus not only talks with these people but dines with them--fully aware that His table fellowship with sinners will raise the eyebrows of religious bureaucrats who hold up the robes and insignia of their authority to justify their condemnation of the truth and their rejection of the gospel of grace.

In that section Manning is talking about Matthew 9:9-13. You really have to read Matthew 9:9-13 here:

Matthew 9:9-13 (THE MESSAGE)

Passing along, Jesus saw a  man at his work collecting taxes.  His name was Matthew.  Jesus said, "Come along with me."  Matthew stood up and followed him. Later when Jesus was eating supper at Matthew's house with his close followers, a lot of disreputable characters came and joined them.  When the Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company, they had a fit, and lit into Jesus' followers.  "What kind of example is this from your Teacher, acting cozy with crooks and riff-raff?"  Jesus overhearing shot back, "Who needs a doctor:  the healthy or the sick?  Go figure out what this Scripture means:  'I'm after mercy, not religion.' I'm here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders."

Here is what Brennan Manning then says about that chunk of the Bible:

This passage should be read, reread, and memorized. Every Christian generation tries to dim the blinding brightness of its meaning because the gospel seems too good to be true.  We think salvation belongs to the proper and pious, to those who stand at a safe distance from the back alleys of existence, clucking their judgments at those who have been soiled by life. In the name of Grace, what has been the verdict of the Christian community on the stained life of Rock Hudson?  To the disclosure that he called a priest to his deathbed, confessed his sins, and cried out God for forgiveness?

I think we all need to reread this line:  Every Christian generation tries to dim the blinding brightness of its meaning because the gospel seems too good to be true.

I want to draw on Luke 23:39-43.  In this section of the Bible Jesus is on the cross and there are two criminals hanging beside him.  One of the criminals mocks Jesus, but the other criminal protested and then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom."  Jesus replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise."

So what did that criminal do to get salvation?  It goes back to Romans 1:17.  He just had faith.  He believed. This is what I so badly wanted the junior highers to get today: We don't have to do something or not do something to clean ourselves up and make ourselves presentable to God.  We are presentable now!  He loves us now!

It also goes back to the passage I shared in Matthew 9. Jesus has a place at the table for crooks and riff-raff. And, since I was among the riff-raff, that is indeed Good News! Again, Manning puts it this way:

Through no merit of ours, but by His mercy, we have been restored to a right relationship with God through the life, death, and resurrection of His beloved Son. This is the Good News, the gospel of grace.

Do you get that?  I can't do anything to earn God's approval!

So, this is where I am at today.  I do not want to pollute the message found in the gospel of grace.  I do not want to dilute the Good News.

Desire

"She's the candle burning in my room

I'm like the needle - needle and spoon

Over the counter with a shotgun

Pretty soon, everybody got one

And the fever when I'm beside her

Desire, desire . . . ."

--U2's "Desire"

"Coffee is strong at the Cafe Du Monde

Donuts are too hot to touch

Just like a fool, when those sweet goodies cool

I eat til I eat way too much

'cause Im livin on things that excite me

Be they pastry or lobster or love . . . ."

--Jimmy Buffett's "The Wino & I Know"

Awhile back my men's group went through the above-pictured book, "The Journey of Desire: Searching for the Life We Only Dreamed of" by John Eldredge. I didn't really like the book so I'm not saying you should read it. I did finish it, but I didn't love it. If you want a good book recommendation, please read my post from last week, Buy This Book.

Even though I'm not recommending Eldredge's book, it did get me thinking about desire, and I would like you to read this post.

What is desire? My dictionary says it's "a feeling that one would get pleasure or satisfaction by obtaining or possessing something."

If you read those song lyrics at the beginning of this post then you'll see that I am not alone in my belief that the objects of our desire aren't always things that are good for us. In the first song Bono alludes to the desire of a drug addict, melting drugs in a spoon over a candle in room somewhere, getting ready to deliver his desire into his arm via the needle. He also points out that some people desire something so much that they just grab a shotgun and go steal it. Then there's the Buffett lyrics. He's singing about things that anybody could fall victim to, like eating too many doughnuts. Eldredge never mentions these songs, it's just that I kept thinking about them during the entire first half of the book.

That's the biggest problem I had with "The Journey of Desire" book: Eldredge doesn't really tell his main point until very far into the book. In the first part of the book he pretty much says that desire is necessary for a meaningful life and then he points out that most Christians have decided not to reach for their desires because it opens us up to the pain of not obtaining them. There is lot I agree with. For example in chapter three he points out how our churches have actually (hopefully inadvertently) killed our desires and replaced desire with their more important goals of knowledge and performance. He writes:

"Jesus appeals to our desire because he came to speak to it. When we abandon desire, we no longer hear or understand what he is saying. But we have returned to the message of the synagogue; we are preaching the law. And desire is the enemy. After all, desire is the single major hindrance to the goal--getting us in line. We are told to kill desire and call it sanctification."

Oh, yes, sadly, I agree with this. Christianity is not about getting us in line, getting us to follow rules. It is not about knowledge or performance. Rather, it is about living life to its fullest. Yes, this important point is where I agree with Eldredge: We should never abandon desire to duty. One of his great lines is "Being offered tips and techniques for living a more dutiful life isn't even in the field of good news. We know in our hearts our dilemma cannot be: '"I sure wish I could be a more decent chap. What I really need is a program to improve my morals.' Now, Jesus seemed to think that what he was offering really and truly spoke to our dilemma."

However, I was so frustrated during the much of the book because, although Eldredge asserts that our dilemma is desire, he never defines desire. For too long he doesn't answer the troubling questions I had in my mind while reading: What kind of desire? What is the difference between godly desire and worldly desire? What if it's some married dude's desire to have an affair? What if I truly just desire to eat an entire pecan pie or whole carrot cake, surely that can't be good for me? So I kept singing the songs, "Just like a fool, when those sweet goodies cool, I eat till I eat way too much . . . . burnin' burnin' de-si-i-i-i-ire!"

So for almost the entire book I would find myself both agreeing and disagreeing with Eldredge. He writes some other things that I totally agree with such as: "This is the great lost truth of the Christian faith, that correction of Judaism made by Jesus and passed on to us: the goal of morality is not morality--it is ecstasy. You are intended for pleasure!" Then I would find myself saying, "This is far too easy."

In the end Eldredge does get to his point. He begins to get there in chapter 6. Then, thankfully comes chapter 7, "The Great Restoration" a chapter I would highly recommend. Here Eldredge links hope and desire. He states that you can only hope for what you truly desire and he begins to make it clear that when he was writing of "desire" for the previous 100 pages, he was using the term as a synonym for "godly desire." That he still doesn't appear to understand that many humans have evil desires that will derail their lives may be the fatal flaw of this book. Nevertheless, he is on to something when he starts telling the reader to desire God's promises.

In linking hope to desire Eldredge quotes 1 Peter 1:13: "Set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." And in the end of chapter 6 he finally spells it out: "Desire cannot live without hope. Yet we can only hope for what we desire." So our desires are that what we truly hope for. Then, in chapter 7, he gives this great illustration:

"We have made a nothing of eternity. If I told you that your income would triple next year, and that European vacation you've wanted is jut around the corner, you'd be excited, hopeful. The future would look promising. It seems possible, desirable. But our ideas of heaven, while possible, aren't all that desirable. Whatever it is we think is coming in the next season of our existence, we don't don't think it is worth getting all that excited about. We make nothing of eternity by enlarging the significance of this life and by diminishing the reality of what the next life is all about. Nearly every Christian I have spoken with has some idea that eternity is an unending church service."

How sad that I would desire a European vacation, but not desire what is promised to me in the Bible. Yet, I can relate.

The ultimate point is that my deepest desire should be firmly placed upon the hope of God restoring everything. My desire should be for heaven which is NOT an unending church service. The author leans heavily on Isaiah 65:17 and Revelation 21:1 and the fact that God will give us a new Earth. The coming kingdom of God is where we must place our desire. Eldredge writes: "We do not know exactly how God will do it, but we do know this: the kingdom of God brings restoration. The only things destroyed are the things outside God's realm--sin, disease, death. But we who are God's children, the heavens and the earth he has made, will go on."

In the end Eldredge ties it all back to a battle for our hearts. On any given day, at any given moment really it boils down to this question: "Where is my heart?" Life is pointless without desires and my deepest desire must be for God. Deep in my heart of hearts, have I diminished the things of this world while elevating the things of heaven? Is my heart longing for God and his promises? Eldredge calls this desire for God the Sacred Romance. It's a romance between me and God. My true hope for a truly full life lies in this Sacred Romance and the promise of His coming kingdom.

What is this romance? The way I see it is there are these get moments in life, moments of total ecstasy. These are glimpses of our true creation. They are glimpses of Eden. Glimpses of the coming kingdom. There I will have an exotic intimacy with God. Although I feel like I have had a few spirit filled experiences like this, moments when everything feels just perfect, this is not something we can really ever grasp here in this life.

In the final chapter Eldredge really brings it home for me with the analogy of a kiss. He asks, "What is the truth of a kiss?" After all, "a kiss is two sets of mandibles pressing together for a certain duration of time." Boring! If you'd never had a real kiss, one that stirs your soul, would you want one based solely on those boring facts? Of course not. But, that is what church and religion has done to us in regard to God. We talk about "theology" and then reduce God, Jesus, the gospel, and heaven to boring facts. As the author says, it's all quite dead: "It's not that these insights aren't true; it's that they no longer speak."

When Eldredge writes of the Sacred Romance it excites me. Here he speaks my language when he says: "In fact, every story or movie or song or poem that has ever stirred your soul is telling you something you need to know about the Sacred Romance. Even nature is crying out to us of God's great heart and the drama that is unfolding. Sunrise and sunset tell the tale every day, remembering Eden's glory, prophesying Eden's return."

In his chapter "The Grand Affair" Eldredge brings sex into the sacramental realm when he writes, "For us creatures of the flesh, sexual intimacy is the closest parallel we have to real worship. Even the world knows this. Why else would sexual ecstasy become the number one rival to communion with God?"

Speak of kisses, poems, songs, movies, sunrises, and sunsets in terms of what awaits me upon Christ's return, speak of romance in relation to what awaits me after this life, talk about sex as worship and I truly begin to desire heaven.

We so badly want connection. Eldredge writes about an evening when he had his wife and best friends all share a piece of art that they loved, a song, or a poem, or perhaps a film clip, then he writes: "Art is a glimpse into our hearts, and you can learn so much about someone when he shares with you something that has stirred his soul." That is why I love art, it stirs the soul, it is a glimpse of Eden.

In a nutshell the Grand Affair is this good news: God has ultimately healed our curse of isolation!

So you see we have all these glimpses of Eden here on earth, but none of them can compare to the Sacred Romance/the Grand Affair with God and nothing can be more desirable than the hope of eternity that God has promised us with him. Therefore, I must not put my hope in anything that is in this life. I must reduce the noise and distractions of in this life and align my heart with God and hope only in the life that is coming after this one.

The author puts it this way in the last chapter:

"It is coming . . . . The life I prize is coming. The very thing that I am aching for now, missing now, seeking now in other things is exactly what's coming to me . . . As you raise your glass of wine, toast to the banquet to come; as you see anything beautiful you'd like to have, say to yourself, In a little while it shall be mine forever; as you make love, remember it is rehearsal for the Grand Affair."

In short, I am not in control. I cannot create my own little Eden here on earth, I cannot do it with people, things, stuff, I just cannot do it, period. BUT, God will. He has promised me something better than triple my income or a European vacation. Moreover, he makes good on his promises!

God will restore everything. That my friends is something to hope for. That my friends is the only thing worth desiring.

But, really, what about me? What do I truly desire? Time for honesty. The answer is "It depends."

On a bad day I desire a cigar, to be left alone, a new episode of LOST, or half a package of Nutter Butters. On an okay day I desire to meet my wife's needs, the best for my kids, or to run three miles. On a good day I desire to love everybody around me well, for mine and my friends' marriages to be thriving, for God to bless my church, and for the junior high ministry to be fantastic. But, on a great day, on a really great day, my only desire is to live like the promise of God's coming kingdom is enough. And, you know what? There are more and more great days!

Now as I'm thinking of desire I am singing a different U2 song. I'm singing lyrics from "Walk On" as follows:

"You're packing a suitcase for a place

none of us has been

A place that has to be believed

to be seen."

Happy Mother's Day!

After all, what boy doesn't love his mother?

Rejoice!

Feeling like the world is really messed up, people are stupid, and things are not the way they are supposed to be. I've been at a loss for words lately too. But, then I'm listening to U2's classic album, OCTOBER, from 1981, and Bono reminds me:

"And what am I to do

Just tell me what am I supposed to say

I can't change the world 

But I can change the world in me

If I rejoice

Rejoice . . . ."

--Bono (from "Rejoice")

Enough said.

cioppino

For some reason I am obessing on getting some cioppino. Have you ever had cioppino? It's a soup dish of fish and shellfish cooked in tomato sauce and seasoned with wine, spices, and herbs. It has random stuff like octopus and clams in it. It's like one of the greatest things I ever eaten and I've only had it twice in my entire life. The most recent time was acually several years ago. So why am I obessing on this?

Voluntary Servitude

Here's another quote from "On Being A Christian" by Hans Kung that I really wanted to share. I'm yearning to dialogue with somebody about it. In this section Kung is talking about the potential for us humans to transcend technological evolutive humanism:

"In both cases man--as individual and as society--remains incapable of mastering his world, because he tries to cope with everything except himself. As he seems to be gaining the whole world, he is threatened with the loss of his own soul: in routine, bustling activity, endless talk, in disorientation and futility. This has little to do with the wickedness of man or of particular individuals. It is the legal constraints of the technocratic society itself, as we have seen, which threaten to crush man's personal dignity, freedom, and responsibility."

This paragraph is so full of thought that I can only begin to touch the surface of what I think it means to me. First, when I read it, I think about the notion of even the possibility of transcending the prevalent thought or way of life in our society. To transcend is to "exist above and independent of" something. If I was to exist above and independent of this technological way of life/thinking, then clearly, it would only be acomplished by focusing on God. However, as the author points out, all the accomplishments of technology haven't helped us acheive this goal. Instead, technology has distracted us from focusing on the real project: ourselves.

How about you? Has Tivo/DRVs, iPods, cell phones, PCs and Macs helped you come closer to being the person you want to be? When I read the quote again and see "endless talk" I think of how I my cell phone has turned me into a prisoner. How did we ever survive a 25 minute drive without somebody being able to break the silence or interrupt the song I was lost in? When I look at the word "futility" I totally think of e-mail. At times I feel it is completely futile to ever get though everything in my in-box. Is what I really need another inspirational e-mail? Maybe true inspiration awaits not in a chain-letter, but in a lingering conversation while straddling the boundary of my and my neighbor's yards?

Proving Kung's point is the fact that I am blogging about this condition we find ourselves in. You are reading my thoughts on a computer! If Kung was wrong about this technocratic society, you and I might find ourselves discoursing about such matters over coffee and pie. As a substitute, we run to our Facebooks, Myspaces, and blogs in hallow attempts to make a human and truly meaningful connection. Meanwhile, many of the relationships that matter most are fractured or at least not all they could be. Crushed personal dignity, freedom, and responsibility indeed!

If you are looking for true insight, get off my blog and turn off your iPhone. Crack open your Bible or go for a hike with your spouse, children, or friend. Well, enough of this, I need to bustle off to the store.

The Full Extent

I've been basking in John 13:1-17 since Sunday. I've literally read those seventeen verses in the Bible eight times in the last five days. I have to thank my pastor, John, for teaching on it Sunday and for throwing out the challenge to live in it this week. It's working. The guy is onto something. I'm finding it very effective to dwell on the same chunk of scripture daily.

John 13:1-17 is found under the heading, "Jesus Washes His Disciples' Feet" and it's so full of wisdom. Each day something different has jumped out at me, spoken to me.

I think my first thought was, "Man, it's scary, I am so like Peter." The dude is so all-or-nothing. When Jesus begins to wash their feet, at first Peter says, "No. You shall never wash my feet." Jesus then responds, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." Instead of saying what a normal person would say, Peter jumps to the extreme. My wife would say, "Okay, wash my feet Lord." However, Peter says what I would say: "Then Lord, not just my feet, but my hands and my head as well." So extreme! It's scary though, would I have denied Jesus as Peter later does in John 18? I hope not. At any rate, knowing full well that Peter would deny him three times, Jesus still tells him, "you are clean" in verse 10. Peter didn't need a bath, only a foot wash. Ultimately, this story makes me think of Jesus' amazing forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance because of how he reinstates Peter in the 21st chapter of John. But I digress.

I love John 13:16 where Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master." Very clear here. Jesus is my master, I am his servant. If he will wash feet, I am called to serve like that. Ironically, it is only in throwing on a towel, lowering myself, and serving that I can be raised up to Christ's level. Verse 17 says it all, "Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." In Matthew 20:27 Christ also says, "whoever wants to be first must be your slave." The paradigm is shifted.

Another line that really teaches me something is found in verse three: "Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God." The profundity of this statement is staggering! It's bad enough that Peter would soon deny Jesus, but on top of that, Christ knew that Judas would totally betray his master. The devil is at work. Christ's followers are weak. Moreover, he's about to die a gruesome death. Yet, none of that matters because Jesus clearly knows who is in control: "the Father had put all things under his power." All things! On top of that, Jesus is firm in his identity: "he had come from God and was returning to God." God's son! Man, if I could just not falter on these two beliefs I would be such a better person. One, God is in control. Two, I am a child of God.

Finally, the title of this post comes from the first verse. It reads, "Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love." The phrase "full extent of his love" has been haunting me and refining me all week. I even went to the dictionary and found this:

full - holding or having as much as the limits will allow

extent - the range or scope of something

Before he died Jesus made sure he showed his friends the full extent of his love. Wow! It's one thing for me to say "I love you" to my wife, I can say that I love my kids, but do my actions actually show all that my limits will allow? What would that even look like to show them the entire scope of my love? If I'm honest, it's not just what I would need to do in order to accomplish this; rather, there are things I need to not do. I need to not speak in sarcastic tones, I need to not grumble, and I need to not be selfish. Rest assured, I need to serve as well, but, for me, this statement, "full extent of his love," finds God whispering to me that I must discard some defense mechanisms as well.

Care to Comment?

I'm reading this book right now, "On Being A Christian" by Hans Kung. It's not a "easy" read, very wordy and lofty, but it's stuff I love, text-bookish, heavy on history and philosophy. The book was written in German. It makes me wish I was back in college and discussing this with a group of peers. There's always a section that comes up that I have to reread two or three or five times. Kung must be the Dennis Miller of German theology! I love the guy.

Here is an example of one of those sections and I'd love to hear what you think of this one-sentence-paragraph:

"Might it not therefore help us to take a longer and more discerning view of day-to-day party politics and thus to get rid of many rigidly held opinions, to be less surprised by young people who merely seem to be worse than ever before, to remain open-minded and not entirely without hope for a new future, so that we can get away from the false alternatives and polarizations of modern society into which we are frequently unwillingly drawn and which present us with numerous unnecessary conflicts?"

If you didn't notice, that is an interrogative sentence.

My answer is a resounding: "Yes."

There are three or four nuggets in there that I can really get behind: (1) Get rid of rigidly held opinions. Yes! (2) Young people only MERELY SEEM to be worse than ever before. I love youth and they're not any more screwed up than I was. Reminds me of the Paul Harvey quote, "In times like these it's good to remember that there have always been times like these!" (3) We must remain open-minded (yes, even as Christians) and we must never lose hope for the future. (4) Polarizations are false and they really do draw me into unnecessary conflicts. I don't want to waste any more time on unnecessary conflicts.

Wow, talk about a juicy and fully-loaded paragraph. Love it! Well, hope one of you comment on the Kung quote.

Talking Ass

Ever read the story of Balaam's donkey in Numbers 22? It's a great story, the Lord uses Balaam's ass to speak directly to Balaam. That's right, God speaks to a man though his donkey.

On a side note, I love the time Chrisy and I took our four kids to The San Diego Wild Animal Park. On the tour, the guide pointed out the donkeys on the left side of the tram and said, "Those are wild asses. And, yes, it is totally appropriate to call them wild asses." Of course, Wes was cracking up and said, "I'm going to go to school and tell the class that my favorite animal I saw was a wild ass." Chrisy and I were like, "It's not that appropriate." But, I digress.

After God speaks through the donkey, he uses an angel of the Lord, and the angel tells Balaam that, in fact, God is going to speak through Balaam. Balaam goes on to deliver an oracle to Balak. The point, God can use anything or anyone to communicate a message to us.

Just yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend wherein I was, once again, arguing my point that God can be found in an R-rated movie or a secular song. I brought up some points and I my friend said, "So, now you're the talking ass." I took that in the best way, meaning, maybe God was speaking to her through me.

Today God really, I mean really, used a U2 song to speak to me. Thus, I guess Bono was my talking ass.

I so wish that I could communicate just how holy and sacred my in-car experience was, but no words could tell you what God did to my heart through the U2 song, "Walk On" this morning. In short, I would have to say that God shouted at me: "Doah, love isn't always easy, but I love you so well through Jesus, that truly, none of your days since that day you became mine are bad days, son. You need to let go of all the stuff you're worried about and just love well. YOUR love is NOT dependent upon how others are acting either. Go and love well."

After that, like Balaam, I went and took God's message and gave it to others. Yep, other people, my wife, my kids, my co-workers, and even randomly called a friend. My message, "I love you." Then I got to thinking my church and my small group, has me asking, "How can I be more like Jesus today?" At least for today, the answer came: Just love well. Here's the song that taught me that.

WALK ON
Music: U2
Lyrics: Bono

And love
Is not the easy thing
The only baggage
That you can bring
Love, not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it

Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place
None of us has been
A place that has to be believed
To be seen

You could have flown away
A singing bird
In an open cage
Who will only fly
Only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you got
You can't deny it
Can't sell it or buy it

Walk on, walk on
You stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
You can only take so much

Walk on
Walk on

Home, hard to know what it is
If you never had one
Home, I can't say where it is
But I know I'm going
Home that's where the hurt is

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on

Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind

All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason

It's only time
And all that I feel now on my mind
All that you sense
All that you scheme
All you dress up
And all that you see
All you create
All that you wreck
All that you hate

Anyway, if you want to watch a really amazing performance this song, you should check out this clip from the "America: A Tribute to Heroes" that aired just after 9/11. I have this DVD and I've cranked this up at home so many times. I adore how he starts with blending another song of theirs, "Peace on Earth" and I especially love how they add the worship at the end of the song, screaming, "Halle-Halle-lujah." Alleluia! Praise God! Go here: Walk On.

Take My Heart

This morning I was sitting in church and two bits of lyrics from two different songs really jumped out at me:

This one was from the Delirious song "Rain Down":

"Keep my heart upon your alter
Give me strength to cross this water"

This one was from the Joe Engle song "You Are The Holy One":

"I want to die so you can live
Resurrect my heart again"

It's so hard to put a God-moment into print, but I heard God telling me, "Doah, I want your heart."

One of my favorite passages of scripture is found in 1 Samuel 16 wherein Samuel goes to Jesse's house to anoint one of his sons as king. Jesse parades out all his sons except the smallest, youngest one: David, God's choice. In verse 7 God tells Samuel not to judge by appearance because the Lord looks at a man's heart, not outward appearance like humans do.

I've always loved that verse and I've often thought about would the world would be like if we did judge the same way as God. Instead of saying, "Hey, Bill you look great! Have you dropped a bunch of weight?" We might look at somebody with the best abs of all, a perfect specimen, and say something, "Wow, dude, you're really hurting, selfish, self-centered, and ugly. I'm sorry."

The point is that God is very interested in my heart. I love the first lyric I shared because it says "keep" which assumes that it was up there on the alter already. The heart is in danger of coming off the alter. Yep, I put my heart on God's alter a lot and then I take it off. I'll be fully surrendered one moment and then consumed with self the next. Likewise, the second lyric I shared has the word "again" because my heart has been made alive through Christ over and over again; yet, many times, by choice, I let the joy die. I kill my own heart with my choices. I let my heart die when lose focus and choose complaining over gratittude, when I lash out in anger because I'm being narcissistic.

So, I had all this learning and this great dialogue with God before our pastor even gave the message today. And, when he finally did speak, his message only had one point:

"Remember, this isn't about you."

We had a chance to journal during church today and I wrote: "Abba, what I know for sure is that you really want my heart. I frequently take my heart off your alter and try to take matters into my own hands. I want to put my life into your hands."

Colossians 3:15 says "Let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts" and that's what I want for myself. I want Christ to rule in my heart.

This isn't about me! When my pastor was talking, the "this" was church. Yep, church isn't about me. But guess what else? Whatever "this" happens to be, parenting, my marriage, work, life, all of it . . . This isn't about me.

God, please take my heart!

Buggin' Me

Off the top of my head . . .

TOP TEN THINGS I'M SICK OF

10. Anti-bacterial anything
9. E.D. (impotence) advertisements
8. Grocery Store Club Cards
7. Ticketmaster
6. Combo Classes
5. Paris Hilton
4. Democrats
3. Republicans
2. Al Gore
1. The 2008 Election

Miracles

Two weeks or so ago, when Chrisy and I were on Spring Break, we were kidless in Arizona. When we're on our own and on vacation, we'll usually see every movie we can at whatever movie theater we happen to find ourselves. In this instance, we were in Payson, AZ, a town with one small movie house. Movie wise, we were scraping the bottom of the barrel.

We saw "THE REAPING" (yes, the one with Hilary Swank). Directed by Stephen Hopkins, this movie was a real turd. However, I've still been thinking about one aspect of the film: miracles.

Swank plays this former Christian missionary. She's an ordained minister who's lost her faith. Now she is set on disproving all things having to do with faith. She's actually a "miracle debunker" who travels to a Louisiana town that appears to be experiencing the 10 Biblical plagues!

My favorite character is Ben. Played by Idris Elba, Ben is Swank's sidekick. At one point he is asked if he has ever seen a miracle. Ben says, "Yes." He considers his gunshot wounds and the fact that he survived the inner-city a miracle. He's not lost his faith. Ben's very life is a miracle.

I truly started pondering the issue of miracles. I started thinking about my faith. A lot of people want "proof" and they want to see miracles in order to believe. I was reminded of a section from one of my favorite books, "Charlotte's Web," by E. B. White. In it, Mrs. Arable asks Dr. Dorian, "Do you understand how there could be any writing in a spider's web?" Here is his reply:

"Oh no," said Dr. Dorian, "I don't understand it. But for that matter I don't understand how a spider learned to spin a web in the first place. When the words appeared, everyone said they were a miracle. But nobody pointed out that the web itself is a miracle."

What follows is a wonderful dialogue wherein Mrs. Arable inquires, "What's miraculous about a spider's web?" And, the doctor says, "A young spider knows how to spin a web without any instructions from anybody. Don't you regard that as a miracle?"

I do. I also regard each birth of my four children as a miracle. Moreover, I consider each blooming rose in the planter next to my driveway a miracle too.

But, what this post is really about is the biggest miracle I have ever witnessed. Like Ben from that horrible movie I saw, the most amazing miracle I know about is my life.

The other day I was reading from Ezekiel and chapter 36 brought me to my knees. In it, the street preacher and prophet is actually bringing God's words to Jerusalem, but I took it as God speaking directly to me:

"Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. And I will give you a new heart with new and right desires, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony heart of sin and give you a new, obedient heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so you will obey my laws and do whatever I command." --Ezekiel 36:25-27

Those words prove true in my life. The day I surrendered my life over to the care of God, that Spirit entered in. On September 22, 1991, the day I asked the Risen Nazarene Carpenter to live in my heart, those miraculous promises from Ezekiel became true in my life.

Now, I know, if I was reading those words, I'd be saying (especially if you know me well), "Surely, Doah, your sin was present after 9/22/91?" The answer is a resounding, "Yes!" It has been a slow process for sure; however, the progress has been undeniable.

The fact is that my "new and right desires" and God's Spirit at work within me are even more real and more dependable in my life than say . . . the red traffic lights that are stopping cars for me every time I blow through an intersection on a green light. It's that real.

Do I believe in miracles?

Yes, without a doubt.

Have I ever seen one?

Yep, many.

The most impressive miracle I ever saw is when God replaced my stony heart with this new heart.

The second just might be that He used a really mediocre movie like "THE REAPING" to get me thinking about the miracles in my life.

So not colorblind

Yesterday I was listening to a brief news story/summary of the Academy Award nominations on public radio. I forget what station it was, either KPCC, KPFK, or KCRW (89.3, 90.7, & 89.9 respectively in Los Angeles), one of those. So the reporter tells us what all the nominations are and then has to say, "There are a good number of African-Americans nominated this year as well" and then she mentions Forest Whitaker, Djimon Hounsou, Eddie Murphy, and Jennifer Hudson. As if that matters! Why are "we" as a society still doing this? Martin Luther King, Jr.'s dream of not being judged by the color of your skin cannot be realized until we can have people like this reporter on public radio actually STOP pointing out the differences in race. Why aren't Whitaker, Hounsou, Murphy, and Hudson, just good actors as opposed to African-American actors? I think most of us would find it ridiculous to say, "It's very nice that we have a two Mexicans, an Irishman, and a Japanese person nomiated this year." I used to think that being "colorblind" was something that we were striving for, but the more I actually pay attention, I don't think it's happening. Why do we continue to construct these barriers? Maybe it's just me.

Extinct Political Labels

Do you remember the old stereotypes of the two major political parties? I remember growing up, the Republicans would call the Democrats "big spenders" and they would say things to their opponents like, "All you do is tax and spend." The Democrats were supposedly for bigger government and the Grand Old Party wanted less government. I remember members of the GOP saying things like, "We want government out of your lives" or "The government that governs least, governs best," things like that.

Boy, those old stereotypes are dead, aren't they? I was just reading an article by renound Princeton historian, Sean Wilentz and he pointed out that the administration of George W. Bush has borrowed more money than all the prevous presidencies combined. You read that correctly, "according to the Treasury Department, the forty-two presidents who held office between 1789 and 2000 borrowed a combined total of $1.01 trillion from foreign governments and financial institutions." On the other hand, just "between 2001 and 2005 alone, the Bush White House borrowed $1.05 trillion." You can check out the history at the Bureau of the Public Debt.

Now, when I read that I immediately thought of somethings Wilentz didn't mention, like the cost of a Hummer driving across the desert in Iraq certainly cost more than your average horse back in the day, a musket under Washington certainly cost less than a riffle under Bush 43. Yet, those figures are staggering! Just staggering.

Bush actually inherited the largest federal surplus in American History. Now we have the largest deficit ever. I mean who would have guessed that John Kerry was the fiscal conservative in the last election? It's not just 9/11 and the subsequent wars either. Has this president vetoed any spending bills at all? What are we doing with all this money? If a lot of this money was going to the Global HIV/AID Initiative, I'd be way cool with that, but I read that the 2007 Budget that Bush sent to Congress actually had a net cut of money pledged to the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, TB, and Malaria. I read on Bono's DATA site that the cost to fight AIDS, TB, and Malaria worldwide is under 20 Billion per year. His ONE campaign seeks a mere 1% of the US budget go toward fighting AIDS. One percent of our outlandish budget is about $25 billion dollars. I bring this up because, if all this debt we're racking up would go to something like ending AIDS, heck even preventing AIDS in Africa, or helping starving children, then it would be worth it, but that's not where it is going.

What about the concept of the government that governs least, governs best? Republicans tout that concept. But, we've gotten a much much bigger government under Bush 43. If you think about how the powers of government have been expanded under this president then you certainly must acknowledge that fact. We're talking discarding the Geneva Conventions, domestic surveillance, and the torture of detainees. Is the de facto suspension of habeas corpus something you would expect from the party that claims to distrust big government? Just curious.

How about "We want government out of your lives?" What does that even mean anymore? Maybe the Republicans want government out of your wallet, but not out of your lives. When I think about just a few issues like Terri Schiavo, homosexuals, unions, and abortion rights, it's obvious that "the government that governs least, governs best" and "we want government out of your lives" are just empty pieces of rhetoric; in practice, they're dead as the dodo bird.

I recently read an article in the Op/Ed page of the LA Times by a detainee in Guantanamo that broke my heart. Let me back up though, on September 1, 2006, in the same newspaper, Donald Rumsfeld, arguing that Guantanamo was not like a gulag, wrote: "The facility at Guantanamo Bay, by contrast, includes a volleyball court, basketball court, soccer field and library (the book most requested is "Harry Potter"). The food, served in accordance with Islamic diets, costs more per detainee than the average U.S. military ration." If you want to read his piece, New Enemies Demand New Thinking you can click on that link.

Now back to the detainee mentioned at the beginning of the previous paragraph. On October 1, 2006, the LA Times published No Holiday in Gitmo: I never saw Rumsfeld's volleyball courts during my two years in America's gulag by Moazzam Begg. Begg was taken from his home in Pakistan right in front of his wife and children. He spent one year in two prisons in Afghanistan and two years in an 8x6 cell at Guantanamo Bay: three years total without seeing or talking to his wife and children (including a son he had never seen). Begg wrote: "The principle 'innocent until proven guilty' is turned on its head. Everyone is guilty without charges, convicted without a trial." Does this seem to go with your idea of a less intrusive government?

Now before you size me up and try to pigeonhole my political leanings, let me just continue. This morning, on the way to work, I was listening to the song "I Am A Patriot" as sung by Jackson Browne, but written by Little Steven. Despite the fact that I've heard this song for over a decade, it actually brought tears to my soul. The lyrics, in part, say:

I ain't no communist
I ain't no capitalist
I ain't no socialist
I ain't no imperialist
I ain't no democrat
I ain't no republican
I only know one party
and it's name is freedom

I used to be a Democrat in the 1980s. The first guy I ever voted for was Jessie Jackson in a primary election. In the 1990s, I switched to a registered Republican. More recently, I changed that to Libertarian. But, for some time now, I have been unaffilated with a political party and registered simply as "decline to state." Part of the reason for that is articulated perfectly in the above lyrics. Another is that I see very little difference between the Democrats and Republicans nowadays. After all, the politically mixed legislative branch has largely supported the executive branch in many of the matters heretofore mentioned in this post. For example, the Republicans in Congress did not balk at the out of controll spending and the Democrats, for the most part, supported the war in Iraq.

I really don't consider myself liberal or conservative. It's funny, my liberal friends think I am pretty conservative and my conservative friends think I am pretty liberal. I will tell you that the most inspirational and eloquent political speech I have heard in the last 10 years came from Barack Obama in 2004. Here is part of what he said:

Well, I say to them tonight, there's not a liberal America and a conservative America — there's the United States of America. There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America. The pundits like to slice-and-dice our country into Red States and Blue States; Red States for Republicans, Blue States for Democrats. But I've got news for them, too. We worship an awesome God in the Blue States, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and have gay friends in the Red States. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and patriots who supported it.

I thought that was well put. Like I said, it inspired me. Maybe that's just because I'm weird. I mean, in the most recent election last week I voted for three different political parties. If anything I would have to say that I am fiscally pretty darn conservative and socially a bit liberal. Even though it's a cliche, I really do try to look at the individual candidate. I don't have a litmus test either.

Now, before you think, "Ah, ha, Doah quoted a Democrat, he must be a liberal," please consider these other words that Barak Obama spoke in his "Call to Renewal" speech on June 28, 2006, right after Alan Keyes stated publiclly, "Jesus Christ would not vote for Barack Obama." As a retort, here's part of what Obama said:

Because of its past, the black church understands in an intimate way the Biblical call to feed the hungry and cloth the naked and challenge powers and principalities. And in its historical struggles for freedom and the rights of man, I was able to see faith as more than just a comfort to the weary or a hedge against death, but rather as an active, palpable agent in the world. As a source of hope . . . . And even if we did have only Christians in our midst, if we expelled every non-Christian from the United States of America, whose Christianity would we teach in the schools? Would we go with James Dobson's, or Al Sharpton's? Which passages of Scripture should guide our public policy? Should we go with Leviticus, which suggests slavery is ok and that eating shellfish is abomination? How about Deuteronomy, which suggests stoning your child if he strays from the faith? Or should we just stick to the Sermon on the Mount - a passage that is so radical that it's doubtful that our own Defense Department would survive its application? So before we get carried away, let's read our bibles. Folks haven't been reading their bibles.

You see what really makes me bothered is another outmoded stereotype: God has a preference for one policial party. For God, doesn't always come down to the heart? I mean, anyone who knows the Bible knows that King David is routinely referred to as "a man after God's own heart." However, David had Uriah the Hittite killed so that he could cover up an affair with Uriah's wife. By the way, if you want some reading that will top an episode of Desperate Housewives, check out 2 Samuel 11 and 12 (actually, I've never seen an episode so forgive me if I misstated that, but the passage is juicy). Nevertheless, Christians frequently act as if somebody who belongs to a party that supports abortion rights, cannot have a heart for God. Why is that? That's what Alan Keyes did to Obama. And, that's another reason I love that first Obama quote above because he says, "We worship an awesome God in the Blue States." How dare Alan Keyes claim to know how Jesus would vote. The funny thing is, I voted for Alan Keyes in the 2000 primary. But, what about Jesus's words in Matthew 7:1, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." Would that apply to what Alan Keyes said about Obama?

I imagine that if, six months ago, Ted Haggard was running for public office as a Republican against Barak Obama, a Democrat, Alan Keyes and many Christians would indeed have claimed that Jesus would vote for Haggard. I wonder if that would still be the case now that Haggard confessed to a sexual sin with a male prostitute? I wonder, would Jesus indeed pick somebody with unconfessed sin in their heart, leading a double life, just because they were not in favor of abortion rights? Notice I am not using "pro-choice" or "pro-life" here because it is the very contention of this post that these labels avail at nothing. I don't know. I just wonder.

I certainly do not think that the Democrats are godless or the Republicans are evil or that the Democrats are stupid or the Republicans are heartless or any of those pathetic statements that miss the grayness of life. That said, labels like "tax and spend Democrats" or "compassionate conservative" or "Party of Big Government" or "God's party" just don't matter anymore. Maybe they never did. We've had a Republican controlled Congress with a Republican executive branch since 2001 and this government seems plenty big to me. The old political stereotypes are dead. I mean really, go back to the "No Holiday in Gitmo" Op/Ed piece that I mentioned earlier. Bush ran on a platform of "compassionate conservatism" (now there's a label), but does the treatment of Moazzam Begg seem very compassionate to you?

Now, I told you I didn't want you to pigeonhole my political leanings, but I do welcome a good political debate and I would love to hear your comments. And, just to give you a little bit more to get worked up over, I'll say this in closing: If I was arrested as a suspected terrorist, I would rather be in the hands of Jerry Brown than Donald Rumsfeld. If my son had AIDS, I would rather Bono be in charge of his medicine and the finances to buy his medicine than George W. Bush. If somebody in my family was gay, I'd rather invite Barack Obama over for Thanksgiving dinner than Alan Keyes. Of course, I'd rather grab an In-n-Out burger with Sean Hannity than Al Franken though.

. . . . and I read about me

I had one of those rare moments wherein I was overcome with self-revelation. That is, I was reading the Bible, a quiet-time before work, and this particular passage really "spoke" to me:

"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."

This passage from 1 Timothy 1:12-16 hit me in so many ways. I thought about the line "appointing me to his service." Just last Sunday in the junior high room at church I got all teary-eyed because I was so blown away by how rewarding my service in that ministry is for me. As I read this section of the Bible, I feel some sense of bewilderment that I could be utilized by God in such a way to bring him any benefit.

Mercy and grace are perhaps the two most amazing words in our language and I am so thankful for receiving them both in abundance. The more I ponder this small piece of scripture, I am certain that everything I thought I knew about God's grace and mercy is entirely inadequate to even begin to scratch the surface of just how great and generous and loving God really is. Although I thought I had covered these topics over a decade ago, I found myself going to the dictionary and then found myself thinking: "It's one thing to 'refrain from inflicting punishment or pain to an offender' but it is quite another all together to be able to show 'favor and goodwill' instead." I wonder: What does this look like when it's played out in my home, my classroom, and on the street?

I reread and I'm struck by the phrase "has given me strength" now. I cannot describe this tremendous sense of strength I've been feeling for months now. The best way that I can even begin to articulate what I even mean by this is that I feel like I have moved beyond self-controll (a concept I'm beginning to realize is totally bogus and unobtainable anyway) to being Christ-controlled. Now, I am scared to even type that, okay, not scared to type it, but hesitant to "publish" it because it sounds arrogant, but I actually feel powerful. I feel like am beginning to finally begin to tap into the spirit of strength God has placed within me as is promised in the scriptures. It feels good! I feel very grateful for this strength as I reread the words of Paul here. Do me a favor? If you see me faltering, remind me of this spirit.

Finally, it's like I never saw this line before in all my life. Paul writes here about Christ displaying his "unlimited patience" through him. Who am I kidding? This is about me. I recall this Steven Curtis Chapman song that begins, "Started out this morning, in the usual way, chasing thoughts inside my head of all I had to do today . . . . I opened up the Bible and I read about me . . . ." Instead of being all teary-eyed now, I'm chuckling to myself thinking about what a great vehicle I have been for Christ's patience. I've given Him every opportunity to be patient with me. "Why was/am I so stubborn?," I'm thinking. But, I find great hope in thinking that maybe, like Paul, God is using my very weaknesses to bring glory to Himself? It's baffling really.

Many times when I read the Bible, I gain information, sometimes insight, sometimes it's just going through the motions, but this particular morning I was reading about me and I wish I could actually describe to you what it feels like when you're thinking, really believing, "This was written about me, for me, and nobody in the history of the world has ever found this secret place that I'm in right now."

Disillusionment

So, California votes to spend, borrow, and tax itself into oblivion (bonds are not free money people); Tom McClintock loses the Lt. Governor's race to Garamendi (McClintock won 60.9% to Garamendi's 34.4% in my county, but lost 44.9% to 49.5% statewide!); Britney Spears is divorcing K-Fed (if I had hope for any marriage); Rumseld steps down (to spend more time with his family I presume); and, to top it all off . . . after tonight's episode, there won't be a new episode of LOST until February!

The next thing you're going to tell me is that evangelical leaders and pastors are susceptible to moral failings just like "normal" people!