Christmas Card 2023

 

“The dead are here, they never go away, so I never ask them to.”

--Hiss Golden Messenger (Mahogany Dread)

 

Christmastime 2023

 

Dear family and friends,

 

As 2023 comes to a close, we find ourselves being so proud of our adult children. Zoey, now 21, is living at home, carrying a full-time college load, and working as a waitress at Lazy Dog Restaurant. She will be graduating with her bachelor’s degree in psychology this coming May! Given she graduated from high school in 2020, this puts her at exactly four years for her undergraduate degree, no small feat! She has also worked very hard at becoming a waitress, paying dues as host, foodrunner, and in take-out! Zoey has already applied to a master’s/teaching credential combined program and is pursuing becoming a teacher like her dad. She had a very successful internship in a preschool with children who have special-needs. Her love of children is very clear and passionate. She also takes care of her dog, Harley, and her sister’s dog, Mocha. Kasey really misses Mocha, but she’s up at UC Davis working on a bachelor’s degree in animal science. She is 19 now and is already a college junior. It is quite the rigorous workload with lots of things that terrify me, like calculus and chemistry courses. This past year she also worked at Ortega Animal Care Center when she was home on break. Up at Davis she is taking pet-sitting jobs here and there. Her love of animals is very apparent. We are very proud of how hard both our girls work. They are intrepid and have enduring dispositions.

 

Max and Wes are, of course, totally on their own. Max is living in Boston and working as a Physican Assistant at Boston Medical Center. He is still dating his girlfriend of over two years, Elena. To say that we love Elena a lot would be an understatement. She already feels like part of our family. Max and Elena made it to California a couple times this year and we treasure every visit. Wes and Makenna celebrated their one year wedding anniversary on November 12 and we are extremely grateful for their relationship. As I mentioned last year, we’ve known Makenna and her family a long time so it still seems a bit unreal—in the best way—that she is our daughter-in-law! Wes and Makenna are both working full-time, paying off student loans and saving up to buy a house. We can’t wait to see what the future holds for our sons!

 

Now that I got all the nice stuff out of the way, let’s get down to what you’d expect from me. I bet you’re wondering what the quote at the outset of this letter is all about, It comes from a 2017 album called Hallelujah Anyhow. It’s an album that really helped me ride out my “funk” that seemed to take hold in me, especially during the pandemic of 2020. With its themes of darkness and the “black dog” of depression, it worked like an elixir for me. What I love about it is its refusal to lose hope: Things might be dark, but hallelujah anyhow! Choosing joy and optimism just might be the ultimate rebellious act. So why the reference to the dead? Well, the truth is, as I sat down to write a 2023 in review, death was looming large in my thoughts. In order to cope, I had made a joke that this year could best be summed up with “January, Taylor Swift, December.” However, that was a lie. In April, Chrisy’s sister-in-law, Debbie died at age 50. Then, on Chrisy’s birthday in May, our dear family friend, Karimy, died. She was only 25 years old. On May 13, I had the great honor of speaking at her memorial service. I’m not going to lie to you, even though I am a Christ follower, and I know these words from 1 Thessalonians 4:13, “We do not grieve like people who have no hope,” and even though I read Jerry Sittser’s book, A Grace Disguised: how the soul grows through loss, the fact is: I was grieving. I don’t think I was stuck in grief like it was a quagmire, but I was thinking about loss pretty much all year long. I realized this gloominess’ staring point was probably 2018 when Karimy’s dad died. In 2019 Zoey’s 18-year-old friend, Rey, died. A month after that Chrisy’s Aunt Janett died. Two months later her husband, Jack, died. That same year my stepdad, Mark, died. In 2020 Zoey’s 17-year-old friend, Andre died. That same year I lost my Uncle John, and often find myself weeping when he pops up in movies and songs. In 2022 Zoey’s friend since first grade, Griffin, died as well as Coach Al, Kasey & Zoey’s cross country and track coach. That same year Chrisy’s Aunt Mary also left us. There are so just so many losses! I’m sure that, as you read this, no matter who you are, someone you lost comes to mind. Loving hurts. Hence, the quote at the top of the letter. In fact, in the same song he sings, “The misery of love is a funny thing, the more it hurts, the more you think you can stand a little pain.” It’s like what Joy Gresham says in the movie, Shadowlands: “We can’t have the happiness of yesterday without the pain of today. That’s the deal.”

 

As I processed loss this year, I honestly began to realize that I had not been just grieving for the dead. We can grieve other losses too. I have grieved friends who moved away. I have grieved changes in general. For example, I’m still working at SAUSD, but my HEART class has now been reduced to just one teacher. I realized I am grieving the loss of my teaching partners. I’m still involved in the JHM ministry at TerraNova, and it brings me endless joy. However, this past year, my friend, Oksana, after seven years as a ministry partner, moved to South Africa. Even when you’re happy for someone, you can still grieve the loss.

 

I think health issues can cause a form of grief too. Ever since Chrisy’s multiple sclerosis diagnosis in 2013, I think we have collectively mourned the changes in routines and had to adjust to a new normal. Then came her back surgery in 2021. This year, on August 31, Chrisy had a stroke! This gave us quite the scare. The good news is that she seems to have fully recovered. As a couple we’ve been reflecting upon how these health issues have impacted our relationships and activities, often giving us no choice but to back out of things at the last minute. In fact, just two weeks ago, I “threw my back out” (whatever that means) while cleaning our garage! As a result, I haven’t gotten in a run since November 28 and I’m mourning that too! The good news is that 2023 found us drawing very close to each other. We’re in a really good spot. In fact, we celebrated 30 years of marriage on July 24. Our gift to each other is a trip to Norway! We leave December 26 and return January 9. We’re excited to see the aurora borealis!

 

I guess more than anything this year, I’m just more aware than ever that our days are numbered and our relationships are so precious. Chrisy and I both hope this letter finds you hopeful and aware of your blessings.

 

Merry Christmas,

Doah  (for all of us)

My Taylor Swift Review

 

 

Taylor Swift during the Red era set, 

August 3, 2023, SoFi Stadium, L.A.

The above photo is not mine, but it is from "my" show. During Taylor's entire concert I didn't pull my phone out once. There is no need. You can find every clip imaginable online nowadays. Why would I want to look through a screen when the real life, actual Taylor Swift was right in front of me (period because that was rhetorical).

*Short summary: Imagine you could take the abstract concept of joy and make it tangible, so in the philosophical sense, joy-in-itself. So then, you have this big squishy blob of actual joy and then you jump into the midde of it: That was my Taylor Swift show last night! It was in fact, and I mean this literally, the best concert I have ever been to! (Seriously, you can stop reading.)

*My Review*

I know many people were expecting a review of Taylor Swift’s L.A. night one Eras show from me. Given the frequency of my Taylor posts, I figured I owed you one. Not sure I can do it justice, but I will try. For some background. I have seen Taylor Swift twice before this. Once in the “inner-pit” during the Red Tour in 2013. It was at the Staples Center. That was a once-in-a-life experience for me! The second time was for the 1989 Tour in 2015. I had pretty good 100-level sets for that one too. The latter was at PetCo Park, a stadium. I’ve always griped about seeing shows in a stadium. They are just not that great. I went into this concert last night excited to see Taylor, but already to trash talk SoFi Stadium, a venue I had never been to. I want to start out by saying that I stand corrected about the venue. It was incredible. It almost felt like seeing her in an arena! I got very blessed to get floor seats. I paid face value, no mark-up. I was in row 8, but–and this is hard to explain–due to the arrangement of the rows and stage, if you counted off from the stage, I was 5th row from the stage! Having looked at the seating chart, I thought my seats looked kind of far from the main stage, meaning the one the band is on, but close to the ramp and the middle stage. I was wrong though. It felt like we were extremely close to both the main stage and the stage protrusion (middle stage) in front of us! That said, I didn’t look at screens, I was able to just follow the real, actual Taylor Swift, no matter where she wandered to. I give this background because, this no doubt added to my enjoyment level. I was mesmerized the entire time. I know every single lyric to every single song so I was also “into it” all. My daughter and I never sat down, standing the entire 3.5+ hours (that is counting only Taylor alone).

We are big Gracie Abrams fans so we were in our seats for her promptly at 6:30. Since a lot of people were not in the venue yet, we noted room up front; thus, we moved up to in front of the front row for Gracie. I was very interested in seeing Gracie, but she exceeded my expectations! I was very impressed. Same for HAIM, we moved up closer than our seats just because we could. They were fun too. Very enjoyable. I was so happy that SoFi, to my surprise, had some sort of shade making roof or cover so despite the heat in Los Angeles, even with the very late, 7:30ish sun-setting, we were not being baked to death during the openers.


My expectations for Taylor were high. She exceeded them all! You have to understand that when Lover came out in 2019, it was my favorite album to date! I got tickets for Lover Fest in 2020 and I was so looking forward to screaming Cruel Summer loudly with thousands of fans, so much so that I can’t even explain how badly I wanted to scream that bridge. Also, the title track Lover was my favorite song and I really wanted to hear that live. I do not have the words to express how much that song means to me. Lover Fest was canceled. I was crushed. As if that pandemic wasn’t depressing enough! Ugh. So, you need to understand, last night, the second song was Cruel Summer and the fifth song was Lover! I had cried twice at that point! So, imagine that 5 songs into a 45-song set last night, I had already gotten my money’s worth! Yet, I still had no idea what I was in store for! I knew the general organization of these Eras shows, but I had personally not really tracked it so that I would still be kind of surprised.

Before I start this long break down of the show I just want to say that this concert was a production! Taylor's band and dancers are incredible. The "show" element itself is top notch and high caliber. And that is an understatement.


For the uninitiated among you. This Eras Tour means that Taylor is walking us through her eras in terms of albums. Not really talked about is that she doesn’t cover her debut album era in any of these shows, so we get 9 out of 10 of her “eras” in one show. Over 3.5 hours, 45 song set list! Consider each of the “era” sets in this show like a mini-tour for that album.


Taylor could have saved the Lover era for later in the show, but she smartly came out of the gate with it! The second song, Cruel Summer, could have been an encore. It was at this point it hit me how good my seats were when Taylor walked to the very edge of the stage protrusion just 5 rows in front of us and looked straight at us and screamed the bridge with us. Yea, I cried. Before you judge that, it has so much more to do with than just some Beatlemania-type Taylor admiration. It was all the emotion wrapped up in what I’d lived through the last 4 years, and a moment that was a long time coming! A couple songs later, she pulls out the Lover guitar and I was like, “Oh, yea, I’m about to hear the title track!” Yea, so I cried again. I thought the climax of my emotional catharsis had happened there, but I would be wrong. I was unprepared for how good The Archer was live.
Highlight of Lover era set: Cruel Summer


Next up was the Fearless era. Keep in mind that when I rank Taylor’s albums, I have this album at 9th place out of 10. Well, when she came out with her Fearless guitar and stared into the title track I was like, “How is this not my favorite album?” It was incredible. Next up: Do you know what it is like to scream every word to You Belong With Me with 70,000 fans?!? Well, I do. Pure joy, like the actual embodiment of joy. Yea, I’m listening to Fearless right now as I type this. She ended with Love Story, the song that made me a fan in 2010. I have “This love is difficult, but it’s real” tattooed on my arm. Do you understand how extraordinary it is that lyrics written by a 17-year-old girl wrote lyrics that this 54-year-old man considers representative of his own love story? It’s profound.

Highlight of Fearless era set: Fearless


Next up was the “evermore” era! Side-note: Her yellow dress for this set was my favorite outfit. Yes, I like paying attention to the outfits. She kicked this off by bringing out HAIM to sing a great version of “no body, no crime,” and they nailed it. This was one of those moments when one of your non-so-favorite songs goes way up in the rankings because of the live experience. Another side-note: This happened to me with Treat People with Kindness by Harry Styles! Ever since seeing it live I adore it! During this set, “champagne problems” blew me away. My emotional response to that song was unexpected. Just incendiary! I must mention that she ended this set with “tolerate it” which was also incredibly powerful. I mention that because what was about to happen next was jarring, in a good way. Some of the clueless “bros” I have seen online like to say, “I don’t see the big deal about Taylor Swift. All her songs sound the same.” Well, as she transitioned from “tolerate it” to the next song. I thought about those factless accusations.

Highlight of evermore era: champagne problems


Kicking into her Reputation era with a snake’s hiss was like an epic jump scare from a movie! A second into Ready For It, I was kicking myself again for missing the Reputation tour in May of 2018, but I had commitments the two nights she was in L.A. that May and I talked myself out of blowing those off because it was at the Rose Bowl, but I digress! During this 4-song set, I was asking myself, “How is Reputation not my #1 album?!?!” This entire section rocked! Taylor did some absolutely beautiful vocal work during Don’t Blame Me and she was right in front of me. It was stunning! I loved the live versions of both that song and Look What You Made Me Do with Taylor’s three excellent guitarists (not counting the bass player!)

Highlight of Reputation era: Delicate


Next up was the Speak Now era. This 2-song set, lyrically, seemed most fitting to capture what I was feeling. Her walking out in a beautiful ball gown, singing Enchanted made me feel like I was going to float away into the ether! “I’m wonderstruck,” and “This night is flawless, don’t you ever let it go,” were on point. I was not prepared for what the next song, Long Live, would do to me! Yea, I cried again: “I said remember this moment, in the back of my mind.” Unreal. “Tell them how the crowds went wild.” They did. “Long live all the magic we made” and “I had the time of my life….” were just too on point. We were 20 songs into this concert, and Long Live brought the house down. When it ended, I jokingly said, “Okay, that was great, let’s go home.” Seriously, the show could have ended there and it would be one of the best shows I have ever seen. It felt like it could have ended, but no, we had 25 songs left! I’m pretty sure my emotional catharsis might have hit a crescendo here.

Highlight of Speak Now era: Long Live


After Speak Now came the Red era. For years this was my favorite album. In fact, if in 2013, the height of my Red fandom, you would have told me, “Someday Red will not be your favorite Taylor Swift album,” I would have thought you were crazier than all of you thought I was when you saw my hair, but Red is currently ranked 7th out of 10 albums for me. What!? This set was amazing. Three songs in, during I Knew You Were Trouble, something hit me like a ton of bricks, something huge! I leaned over to Kasey and said, “Holy shit! I forgot that we are actually going to witness the All Too Well 10-minute version live. I was not prepared. Taylor asked, “Do you have about 10 minutes to spare?” Even though it was about 10:15 and we were two hours in, we all did! This is the single greatest breakup song ever written. If you do not know the bridge of this song by heart, why are you even reading this? Seriously? My emotional catharsis almost definitely happened here! Fun thing here: During the song, 22, Taylor Swift had a moment with Kobe Bryant's daughter, Bianka, giving her *the* 22 hat! It was precious. Side-note: 22, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, and I Knew You Were Trouble are so good! I mean like "I Want To Hold Your Hand" and "She Loves You" quality pop songs, songs for the ages!

Highlight of Red era: All Too Well (10-minute version)


Enter my favorite album, “folklore,” with its stunning set piece. I lack the words to tell you what this pandemic release meant to me. From the second she opened with “the 1,” like the dragon in Long Live, I was slayed. We got 7 songs here and I just cannot go into how much I loved all of them. I loved “the last great american dynasty” so much. I got to hear the trinity of betty, august, and cardigan live. Let that sink in. That alone was enough. I got to scream betty with 70,000 Swifties! Unreal. Please keep in mind that I would have paid to just see a show of folklore and evermore songs and had been fulfilled.

Highlight of folklore era: shockingly, it was “my tears ricochet” because I would have called “betty” here!


1989 was next! Similar to the Reputation set, I was quickly asking, “How is 1989 not my favorite album ever?” It is pop perfection! Listening to Style, Blank Space, Shake It Off, and Bad Blood alone had me thinking, “This is not an artist. This is a living breathing hit factory!” Throw in the brilliant Wildest Dreams to boot and I was living my wildest dreams. Pinch me, I’m dreaming.

Highlight of 1989 era: Style


The next section is reserved for two “surprise songs” and us Swifties have been following this very closely. I was very happy with the two songs we got. We got the never ever before played, I Can See You! We also got Maroon. If you know, you know.


Taylor wisely closes out this show with her most-recent release, Midnights. In an alternative timeline, this would’ve, could’ve, should’ve been the Midnights tour and we all would have been pumped. As my daughter said, “This part is like an entire concert in itself.” She was right. Kicking off with the incredibly upbeat Lavender Haze and ending with the re-invigorating Karma, every one of these seven songs was like a shot in the arm for me. Just when I thought I couldn’t muster anymore energy, I involuntarily got more and sang and danced until the final note. Oh, what a joy it is to sing Karma! Okay, my emotional catharsis most definitely hit full bloom during Karma!

Highlight of Midnights era: Karma!

I am 54 years old. I have seen hundreds and hundreds of concerts. This is not recency bias. I mean this literally. This was my favorite concert ever! Next Wednesday, August 9th, I will see her again for her final night in Los Angeles. I will have a very different perspective as I have seats that are high up in the stadium. I am looking forward to seeing all the graphics and images from a different distance as I seldom looked at the screen!

Here's what crazy: This review should be over now, but I was about to hit "publish" and realized that I had not yet said anything about the vibe at the show. The music is fantastic, Taylor is an icon, but that isn't even the only thing that makes this the pure embodiment of joy. It's the crowd. It's the Swifties. This is not something I feel I can put into words well, but there is a palpable love in the air. Example, a guy comes up to me and says, "I have to just tell you, you're shirt is EVERYTHING!" Then we hug. In short, to usurp a random 80s song by The Blow Monkeys, "Taylor, I'm digging your scene."

Christmas Letter 2022

 

“Time, mystical time, cuttin’ me open, 

then healin’ me fine.”

--Taylor Swift

 

Christmastime 2022

Dear loved ones,

 

            It seemed appropriate to begin our Christmas letter with a Taylor Swift lyric for the second year in a row because, well, I’ve been obsessed with her music this past year. That lyric from Invisible String has really resonated with me this year. I mean that in a good way. As I type this year’s letter, a lot of things seem to be healing. This past year saw remarkable growth in many ways. I won’t get into too much detail, but I am grateful for a therapist, Stephanie, who at one point or another, counseled all six of us. I’m so very thankful for where my family is at right now. This past Mother’s Day, two years after his death, we finally had an opportunity to have a memorial service for my Uncle John. Then, on August 21, I had the most remarkable opportunity to spend the day in Hollywood with six people I love dearly, spreading John’s ashes in memorable places. Although grief lingers, things like that can be a sweet elixir. There are other ways time seems to be healing things. May marked a year post-back-surgery for Chrisy. Even her multiple sclerosis, although always lurking, did not exact any unbearable tolls this past year.

            In fact, it has been a year of great change and celebrations! Wes, now 24, got married on November 12^th! The wedding was beautiful. His wife is Makenna and she is pictured here in our Christmas card this year. Makenna and Wes met at our church, TerraNova. We couldn’t be happier. She is a dream daughter-in-law. We have known her and her family, The Kaspers, for almost two decades! Wes and Makenna are now living in Costa Mesa, about 30 minutes away from us. Wes graduated this past May with his Masters in New Testament from Talbot School of Theology! I’m very happy that both Wes and Makenna volunteer in the high school ministry at TerraNova Church because I get to see them on Sundays.

            Zoey, now 20, graduated from Irvine Valley College this past May! Zoey earned two Associate of Arts degrees from IVC as well as a CSU General Education Breadth transfer certificate. She was able to earn all this in exactly two years since high school graduation. It was especially nice to attend her IVC commencement because her high school ceremony was a casualty of the pandemic. Zoey is also working at Lazy Dog Restaurant while she attends Cal State University, Fullerton. She’s living at home with us where she spends pretty much all her time either studying or taking care of her and her sister’s dogs.

            Speaking of Kasey, she’s now 18, and also had a huge accomplishment this year as she graduated from high school in June! Not only is this an obvious huge milestone for her, but it is for us as well as she is our last child to graduate from high school. As Chrisy put her senior portrait into Kasey’s special kindergarten through 12^th grade frame, and placed it back on the wall next to her three siblings, we knew it was the end of an era for us too. Kasey finished high school in an epic manner, with a 4.8 GPA! Kasey is now attending UC Davis. We moved her into the dorms in September. She is currently on the pre-veterinary medicine track and has one quarter behind her.

            As you would imagine we held a huge graduation party in June, combining Kasey’s, Zoey’s, and Wes’ accomplishments. Unfortunately, Max couldn’t make it as he was still in Boston.

            Max, now 26, had temporarily moved back in with us after finishing PA school last year. As I told you last year, he quickly got hired at Boston Medical Center, which is right next to where he went to school. He stayed with us until February 15^th of this year, just one day after Zoey’s birthday so he could be with her. Then he made the long drive back to Boston. Max is now learning his way around the busy Emergency Department at BMC. He has been dating Elena, someone we’ve been blessed enough to spend time with, and she’s truly wonderful.

            I wanted to mention something about my work here. In 2021, my longtime partner, Frank, retired. After that I spent an entire school year on my own. It was the first time since 2010 I hadn’t worked with Frank. Of course, as a teacher, it’s normal to work alone, but I had gotten into a rhythm with him, especially since we had started the HEART class together. Yet, this also seems to be something time healed. I ended up being able to teach summer school with Frank this year. More recently, Frank’s replacement was hired and we’re finding our groove. A similar thing happened at church too. I’m now in my 18^th year of doing Junior High Ministry and I still find it very meaningful and I am having fun with my new ministry-partner, Jolee. Time marches on and there are constant ebbs and flows of “death and rebirth” occurring all the time.

As mentioned above, Kasey’s dog, Mocha, and Zoey’s dog, Harley, are home with us; thus, Kasey misses them dearly. It’s been a huge adjustment for everyone. In fact, everyone misses the dogs. The dogs miss them too. When Kasey, Wes, Makenna, Max, or Elena, come over, Harley and Mocha go absolutely nuts. It’s hard to believe it’s been two years since we got them. They were our pandemic dogs and now even that strange time in 2020 seems to be something else that time has healed.

I guess that brings us back full circle to the song at the beginning of the letter. The song, “Invisible String,” was on folklore and was released during the heart of the pandemic too. I had the blues then, but as the song says, “Time, wondrous time, gave me the blues, and then purple pink skies.” I’m learning to live with all the colors.

May this holiday season find you well.

Sincerely,

-The Lynds-

Doah & Chrisy