Christmas 2024

 

“We’ve all had too much sorrow.

Now is the time for joy.”

--Nick Cave

Christmastime 2024

Dear friends and family,

 

One year ago Chrisy and I rang in the new year in Norway. It was the trip of a lifetime, certainly for me, who had never been to Europe! We celebrated 30 years of marriage last year and this trip was our gift to each other for three decades of keeping our vows to one another. Our trip went from the day after Christmas 2023 through January 9^th of this year. It was glorious. The best thing about it was having all the downtime to connect and rekindle our romance and friendship. If only that blissful feeling of being on holiday could last all year round. It doesn’t, but that’s okay!

 

Earlier this year I was talking to my therapist about the elusive nature of joy. I spent a lot of time trying to dissect what true happiness is, what joy is, and pondering the difference. A friend of mine says much of our problem comes from defining “joy” wrongly. She sees it more as the ability to accept life on life’s terms. Amidst the many struggles this year, I found myself trying to live that out. Then, in August, Nick Cave’s new album, Wild God, was released. I quoted the track, Joy, from it above. In it, he wakes up with the blues, dealing with grief, begging for mercy. Then he is visited by a flaming boy, likely the ghost of his real-life dead son, who speaks the line quoted at the top of this letter. I find myself returning to these lyrics often.

 

As I started to write this letter, I was going to write about the many challenges that life threw at us this year. These included a couple of car accidents, a couple health scares, a few injuries, and many issues with our extended family. However, I figured I would embrace the positives.

 

All four of our kids are adults now. Zoey graduated from Cal State Fullerton with her bachelor’s degree in May. She is now in an intensive combined credential and master’s program. She just wrapped up her first semester of student teaching with rave reviews. She remains at home and is commuting to college. She has another year left in the program. She hopes to be teaching elementary school in 2026. Zoey enjoys spending time with her boyfriend, Kole. When she is not doing college coursework, she loves going to Disneyland.

 

Kasey is still attending UC Davis. As such, she spends most of her time up there. She is majoring in animal science. While working on her undergraduate degree, she discovered that she doesn’t want to attend veterinary school; however, she still plans to work with animals in some capacity. Even though she just graduated from high school in 2022, she plans on earning her bachelor’s degree in June. Kasey and her girlfriend, Mikayla, recently rescued a cat named Jack and they both share a passion for working with animals in any capacity. They are talking about moving to Oregon next summer. We couldn’t be happier for them. Kayla is pictured on our Christmas card.

 

Max got engaged this year! He proposed to Elena on April 26th. They will be getting married in June! We are, of course, very excited. Chrisy and I had the chance to go visit them in Boston just last month! We had a couple dinners with Elena’s parents and enjoyed meeting them for the first time. Max is still working hard at Boston Medical Center as a PA, going on 3+ years now. His and Elena’s jobs are very flexible which lets them travel a lot, including to Japan and Italy this year. This past June Max and Elena visited us and the highlight was spending the day in Newport Harbor with them. We really love Elena and can’t wait for her to be officially family.

 

Wes and Makenna celebrated their second wedding anniversary last month. It is hard to believe that it’s already been two years. They both work overnight shifts, but they are doing well. We are thankful that they live close by. They are saving to buy a house, hopefully in Orange County, but things are very expensive here. Wes has a very generous heart and often comes over to do things we need help with. He’s saved us a lot this year with hard labor. Wes and Makenna both also have flexible work schedules and love to travel. They were able to make the Italy trip with Max and Elena this past summer. We’re happy they are getting it in while they are young.

 

Next month will mark 20 years since I became the junior high ministry director at the church body I am a member of. When I took over in January, 2005, I would not have imagined that, two decades later, I would still be serving in that roll. I still love doing it because of the students. I am not delusional enough to think that nobody else could take on this role in this community, but I do believe that I bring a perspective that truly is in line with what Jesus of Nazareth modeled for us. I still remain passionate about modeling grace, love, and acceptance to middle-school-aged students. Plus, the students bring me joy. My main job, teaching in SAUSD still feels very missional too. I’ve been there 25 years now.

 

Over spring break, this past April, Chrisy and I spent an entire week alone together in Sedona and loved it. We did a lot of slow hiking. Chrisy even feel into a creek, but laughed while doing it. She is actually doing okay, healthwise, at the moment. Her multiple sclerosis has been pretty stable. She keeps the home fires burning while everyone else is busy. She does a lot of reading too, 165 books so far this year! On our visit to Boston last month, after saying goodbye to Max, we extended the time and went to Acadia National Park in Maine with our friends the Cloyds. Time with them was long overdue. At Max’s suggestion, the four of us went up to Cadillac Mountain to watch the sunrise. From October to March, its peak is the first place in the United States for the sun to touch. Watching the flare born from the ocean brought me to tears.

 

Overall, this year has found us spending more and more couple time together. It’s brought us to the beautiful realization that we still totally love each other.

 

Lately, I’ve spent a lot of time walking our girls’ dogs, Mocha & Harley. Often I am doing it very early in the morning and the stars are still out. I’m trying to work on being present more, so I look up to the heavens, and then back down at the dogs and it feels like joy. I will close out this letter with a lyric from a song I mentioned earlier: “They shout angry words all across the world, they shout their angry words about the end of love; yet, the stars stand above the earth: bright, triumphant metaphors of love!”

 

Chrisy and I wish you a very merry Christmas and a joy-filled year ahead.

 

Much love,

Doah & Chrisy

Christmas Card 2023

 

“The dead are here, they never go away, so I never ask them to.”

--Hiss Golden Messenger (Mahogany Dread)

 

Christmastime 2023

 

Dear family and friends,

 

As 2023 comes to a close, we find ourselves being so proud of our adult children. Zoey, now 21, is living at home, carrying a full-time college load, and working as a waitress at Lazy Dog Restaurant. She will be graduating with her bachelor’s degree in psychology this coming May! Given she graduated from high school in 2020, this puts her at exactly four years for her undergraduate degree, no small feat! She has also worked very hard at becoming a waitress, paying dues as host, foodrunner, and in take-out! Zoey has already applied to a master’s/teaching credential combined program and is pursuing becoming a teacher like her dad. She had a very successful internship in a preschool with children who have special-needs. Her love of children is very clear and passionate. She also takes care of her dog, Harley, and her sister’s dog, Mocha. Kasey really misses Mocha, but she’s up at UC Davis working on a bachelor’s degree in animal science. She is 19 now and is already a college junior. It is quite the rigorous workload with lots of things that terrify me, like calculus and chemistry courses. This past year she also worked at Ortega Animal Care Center when she was home on break. Up at Davis she is taking pet-sitting jobs here and there. Her love of animals is very apparent. We are very proud of how hard both our girls work. They are intrepid and have enduring dispositions.

 

Max and Wes are, of course, totally on their own. Max is living in Boston and working as a Physican Assistant at Boston Medical Center. He is still dating his girlfriend of over two years, Elena. To say that we love Elena a lot would be an understatement. She already feels like part of our family. Max and Elena made it to California a couple times this year and we treasure every visit. Wes and Makenna celebrated their one year wedding anniversary on November 12 and we are extremely grateful for their relationship. As I mentioned last year, we’ve known Makenna and her family a long time so it still seems a bit unreal—in the best way—that she is our daughter-in-law! Wes and Makenna are both working full-time, paying off student loans and saving up to buy a house. We can’t wait to see what the future holds for our sons!

 

Now that I got all the nice stuff out of the way, let’s get down to what you’d expect from me. I bet you’re wondering what the quote at the outset of this letter is all about, It comes from a 2017 album called Hallelujah Anyhow. It’s an album that really helped me ride out my “funk” that seemed to take hold in me, especially during the pandemic of 2020. With its themes of darkness and the “black dog” of depression, it worked like an elixir for me. What I love about it is its refusal to lose hope: Things might be dark, but hallelujah anyhow! Choosing joy and optimism just might be the ultimate rebellious act. So why the reference to the dead? Well, the truth is, as I sat down to write a 2023 in review, death was looming large in my thoughts. In order to cope, I had made a joke that this year could best be summed up with “January, Taylor Swift, December.” However, that was a lie. In April, Chrisy’s sister-in-law, Debbie died at age 50. Then, on Chrisy’s birthday in May, our dear family friend, Karimy, died. She was only 25 years old. On May 13, I had the great honor of speaking at her memorial service. I’m not going to lie to you, even though I am a Christ follower, and I know these words from 1 Thessalonians 4:13, “We do not grieve like people who have no hope,” and even though I read Jerry Sittser’s book, A Grace Disguised: how the soul grows through loss, the fact is: I was grieving. I don’t think I was stuck in grief like it was a quagmire, but I was thinking about loss pretty much all year long. I realized this gloominess’ staring point was probably 2018 when Karimy’s dad died. In 2019 Zoey’s 18-year-old friend, Rey, died. A month after that Chrisy’s Aunt Janett died. Two months later her husband, Jack, died. That same year my stepdad, Mark, died. In 2020 Zoey’s 17-year-old friend, Andre died. That same year I lost my Uncle John, and often find myself weeping when he pops up in movies and songs. In 2022 Zoey’s friend since first grade, Griffin, died as well as Coach Al, Kasey & Zoey’s cross country and track coach. That same year Chrisy’s Aunt Mary also left us. There are so just so many losses! I’m sure that, as you read this, no matter who you are, someone you lost comes to mind. Loving hurts. Hence, the quote at the top of the letter. In fact, in the same song he sings, “The misery of love is a funny thing, the more it hurts, the more you think you can stand a little pain.” It’s like what Joy Gresham says in the movie, Shadowlands: “We can’t have the happiness of yesterday without the pain of today. That’s the deal.”

 

As I processed loss this year, I honestly began to realize that I had not been just grieving for the dead. We can grieve other losses too. I have grieved friends who moved away. I have grieved changes in general. For example, I’m still working at SAUSD, but my HEART class has now been reduced to just one teacher. I realized I am grieving the loss of my teaching partners. I’m still involved in the JHM ministry at TerraNova, and it brings me endless joy. However, this past year, my friend, Oksana, after seven years as a ministry partner, moved to South Africa. Even when you’re happy for someone, you can still grieve the loss.

 

I think health issues can cause a form of grief too. Ever since Chrisy’s multiple sclerosis diagnosis in 2013, I think we have collectively mourned the changes in routines and had to adjust to a new normal. Then came her back surgery in 2021. This year, on August 31, Chrisy had a stroke! This gave us quite the scare. The good news is that she seems to have fully recovered. As a couple we’ve been reflecting upon how these health issues have impacted our relationships and activities, often giving us no choice but to back out of things at the last minute. In fact, just two weeks ago, I “threw my back out” (whatever that means) while cleaning our garage! As a result, I haven’t gotten in a run since November 28 and I’m mourning that too! The good news is that 2023 found us drawing very close to each other. We’re in a really good spot. In fact, we celebrated 30 years of marriage on July 24. Our gift to each other is a trip to Norway! We leave December 26 and return January 9. We’re excited to see the aurora borealis!

 

I guess more than anything this year, I’m just more aware than ever that our days are numbered and our relationships are so precious. Chrisy and I both hope this letter finds you hopeful and aware of your blessings.

 

Merry Christmas,

Doah  (for all of us)

My Taylor Swift Review

 

 

Taylor Swift during the Red era set, 

August 3, 2023, SoFi Stadium, L.A.

The above photo is not mine, but it is from "my" show. During Taylor's entire concert I didn't pull my phone out once. There is no need. You can find every clip imaginable online nowadays. Why would I want to look through a screen when the real life, actual Taylor Swift was right in front of me (period because that was rhetorical).

*Short summary: Imagine you could take the abstract concept of joy and make it tangible, so in the philosophical sense, joy-in-itself. So then, you have this big squishy blob of actual joy and then you jump into the midde of it: That was my Taylor Swift show last night! It was in fact, and I mean this literally, the best concert I have ever been to! (Seriously, you can stop reading.)

*My Review*

I know many people were expecting a review of Taylor Swift’s L.A. night one Eras show from me. Given the frequency of my Taylor posts, I figured I owed you one. Not sure I can do it justice, but I will try. For some background. I have seen Taylor Swift twice before this. Once in the “inner-pit” during the Red Tour in 2013. It was at the Staples Center. That was a once-in-a-life experience for me! The second time was for the 1989 Tour in 2015. I had pretty good 100-level sets for that one too. The latter was at PetCo Park, a stadium. I’ve always griped about seeing shows in a stadium. They are just not that great. I went into this concert last night excited to see Taylor, but already to trash talk SoFi Stadium, a venue I had never been to. I want to start out by saying that I stand corrected about the venue. It was incredible. It almost felt like seeing her in an arena! I got very blessed to get floor seats. I paid face value, no mark-up. I was in row 8, but–and this is hard to explain–due to the arrangement of the rows and stage, if you counted off from the stage, I was 5th row from the stage! Having looked at the seating chart, I thought my seats looked kind of far from the main stage, meaning the one the band is on, but close to the ramp and the middle stage. I was wrong though. It felt like we were extremely close to both the main stage and the stage protrusion (middle stage) in front of us! That said, I didn’t look at screens, I was able to just follow the real, actual Taylor Swift, no matter where she wandered to. I give this background because, this no doubt added to my enjoyment level. I was mesmerized the entire time. I know every single lyric to every single song so I was also “into it” all. My daughter and I never sat down, standing the entire 3.5+ hours (that is counting only Taylor alone).

We are big Gracie Abrams fans so we were in our seats for her promptly at 6:30. Since a lot of people were not in the venue yet, we noted room up front; thus, we moved up to in front of the front row for Gracie. I was very interested in seeing Gracie, but she exceeded my expectations! I was very impressed. Same for HAIM, we moved up closer than our seats just because we could. They were fun too. Very enjoyable. I was so happy that SoFi, to my surprise, had some sort of shade making roof or cover so despite the heat in Los Angeles, even with the very late, 7:30ish sun-setting, we were not being baked to death during the openers.


My expectations for Taylor were high. She exceeded them all! You have to understand that when Lover came out in 2019, it was my favorite album to date! I got tickets for Lover Fest in 2020 and I was so looking forward to screaming Cruel Summer loudly with thousands of fans, so much so that I can’t even explain how badly I wanted to scream that bridge. Also, the title track Lover was my favorite song and I really wanted to hear that live. I do not have the words to express how much that song means to me. Lover Fest was canceled. I was crushed. As if that pandemic wasn’t depressing enough! Ugh. So, you need to understand, last night, the second song was Cruel Summer and the fifth song was Lover! I had cried twice at that point! So, imagine that 5 songs into a 45-song set last night, I had already gotten my money’s worth! Yet, I still had no idea what I was in store for! I knew the general organization of these Eras shows, but I had personally not really tracked it so that I would still be kind of surprised.

Before I start this long break down of the show I just want to say that this concert was a production! Taylor's band and dancers are incredible. The "show" element itself is top notch and high caliber. And that is an understatement.


For the uninitiated among you. This Eras Tour means that Taylor is walking us through her eras in terms of albums. Not really talked about is that she doesn’t cover her debut album era in any of these shows, so we get 9 out of 10 of her “eras” in one show. Over 3.5 hours, 45 song set list! Consider each of the “era” sets in this show like a mini-tour for that album.


Taylor could have saved the Lover era for later in the show, but she smartly came out of the gate with it! The second song, Cruel Summer, could have been an encore. It was at this point it hit me how good my seats were when Taylor walked to the very edge of the stage protrusion just 5 rows in front of us and looked straight at us and screamed the bridge with us. Yea, I cried. Before you judge that, it has so much more to do with than just some Beatlemania-type Taylor admiration. It was all the emotion wrapped up in what I’d lived through the last 4 years, and a moment that was a long time coming! A couple songs later, she pulls out the Lover guitar and I was like, “Oh, yea, I’m about to hear the title track!” Yea, so I cried again. I thought the climax of my emotional catharsis had happened there, but I would be wrong. I was unprepared for how good The Archer was live.
Highlight of Lover era set: Cruel Summer


Next up was the Fearless era. Keep in mind that when I rank Taylor’s albums, I have this album at 9th place out of 10. Well, when she came out with her Fearless guitar and stared into the title track I was like, “How is this not my favorite album?” It was incredible. Next up: Do you know what it is like to scream every word to You Belong With Me with 70,000 fans?!? Well, I do. Pure joy, like the actual embodiment of joy. Yea, I’m listening to Fearless right now as I type this. She ended with Love Story, the song that made me a fan in 2010. I have “This love is difficult, but it’s real” tattooed on my arm. Do you understand how extraordinary it is that lyrics written by a 17-year-old girl wrote lyrics that this 54-year-old man considers representative of his own love story? It’s profound.

Highlight of Fearless era set: Fearless


Next up was the “evermore” era! Side-note: Her yellow dress for this set was my favorite outfit. Yes, I like paying attention to the outfits. She kicked this off by bringing out HAIM to sing a great version of “no body, no crime,” and they nailed it. This was one of those moments when one of your non-so-favorite songs goes way up in the rankings because of the live experience. Another side-note: This happened to me with Treat People with Kindness by Harry Styles! Ever since seeing it live I adore it! During this set, “champagne problems” blew me away. My emotional response to that song was unexpected. Just incendiary! I must mention that she ended this set with “tolerate it” which was also incredibly powerful. I mention that because what was about to happen next was jarring, in a good way. Some of the clueless “bros” I have seen online like to say, “I don’t see the big deal about Taylor Swift. All her songs sound the same.” Well, as she transitioned from “tolerate it” to the next song. I thought about those factless accusations.

Highlight of evermore era: champagne problems


Kicking into her Reputation era with a snake’s hiss was like an epic jump scare from a movie! A second into Ready For It, I was kicking myself again for missing the Reputation tour in May of 2018, but I had commitments the two nights she was in L.A. that May and I talked myself out of blowing those off because it was at the Rose Bowl, but I digress! During this 4-song set, I was asking myself, “How is Reputation not my #1 album?!?!” This entire section rocked! Taylor did some absolutely beautiful vocal work during Don’t Blame Me and she was right in front of me. It was stunning! I loved the live versions of both that song and Look What You Made Me Do with Taylor’s three excellent guitarists (not counting the bass player!)

Highlight of Reputation era: Delicate


Next up was the Speak Now era. This 2-song set, lyrically, seemed most fitting to capture what I was feeling. Her walking out in a beautiful ball gown, singing Enchanted made me feel like I was going to float away into the ether! “I’m wonderstruck,” and “This night is flawless, don’t you ever let it go,” were on point. I was not prepared for what the next song, Long Live, would do to me! Yea, I cried again: “I said remember this moment, in the back of my mind.” Unreal. “Tell them how the crowds went wild.” They did. “Long live all the magic we made” and “I had the time of my life….” were just too on point. We were 20 songs into this concert, and Long Live brought the house down. When it ended, I jokingly said, “Okay, that was great, let’s go home.” Seriously, the show could have ended there and it would be one of the best shows I have ever seen. It felt like it could have ended, but no, we had 25 songs left! I’m pretty sure my emotional catharsis might have hit a crescendo here.

Highlight of Speak Now era: Long Live


After Speak Now came the Red era. For years this was my favorite album. In fact, if in 2013, the height of my Red fandom, you would have told me, “Someday Red will not be your favorite Taylor Swift album,” I would have thought you were crazier than all of you thought I was when you saw my hair, but Red is currently ranked 7th out of 10 albums for me. What!? This set was amazing. Three songs in, during I Knew You Were Trouble, something hit me like a ton of bricks, something huge! I leaned over to Kasey and said, “Holy shit! I forgot that we are actually going to witness the All Too Well 10-minute version live. I was not prepared. Taylor asked, “Do you have about 10 minutes to spare?” Even though it was about 10:15 and we were two hours in, we all did! This is the single greatest breakup song ever written. If you do not know the bridge of this song by heart, why are you even reading this? Seriously? My emotional catharsis almost definitely happened here! Fun thing here: During the song, 22, Taylor Swift had a moment with Kobe Bryant's daughter, Bianka, giving her *the* 22 hat! It was precious. Side-note: 22, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, and I Knew You Were Trouble are so good! I mean like "I Want To Hold Your Hand" and "She Loves You" quality pop songs, songs for the ages!

Highlight of Red era: All Too Well (10-minute version)


Enter my favorite album, “folklore,” with its stunning set piece. I lack the words to tell you what this pandemic release meant to me. From the second she opened with “the 1,” like the dragon in Long Live, I was slayed. We got 7 songs here and I just cannot go into how much I loved all of them. I loved “the last great american dynasty” so much. I got to hear the trinity of betty, august, and cardigan live. Let that sink in. That alone was enough. I got to scream betty with 70,000 Swifties! Unreal. Please keep in mind that I would have paid to just see a show of folklore and evermore songs and had been fulfilled.

Highlight of folklore era: shockingly, it was “my tears ricochet” because I would have called “betty” here!


1989 was next! Similar to the Reputation set, I was quickly asking, “How is 1989 not my favorite album ever?” It is pop perfection! Listening to Style, Blank Space, Shake It Off, and Bad Blood alone had me thinking, “This is not an artist. This is a living breathing hit factory!” Throw in the brilliant Wildest Dreams to boot and I was living my wildest dreams. Pinch me, I’m dreaming.

Highlight of 1989 era: Style


The next section is reserved for two “surprise songs” and us Swifties have been following this very closely. I was very happy with the two songs we got. We got the never ever before played, I Can See You! We also got Maroon. If you know, you know.


Taylor wisely closes out this show with her most-recent release, Midnights. In an alternative timeline, this would’ve, could’ve, should’ve been the Midnights tour and we all would have been pumped. As my daughter said, “This part is like an entire concert in itself.” She was right. Kicking off with the incredibly upbeat Lavender Haze and ending with the re-invigorating Karma, every one of these seven songs was like a shot in the arm for me. Just when I thought I couldn’t muster anymore energy, I involuntarily got more and sang and danced until the final note. Oh, what a joy it is to sing Karma! Okay, my emotional catharsis most definitely hit full bloom during Karma!

Highlight of Midnights era: Karma!

I am 54 years old. I have seen hundreds and hundreds of concerts. This is not recency bias. I mean this literally. This was my favorite concert ever! Next Wednesday, August 9th, I will see her again for her final night in Los Angeles. I will have a very different perspective as I have seats that are high up in the stadium. I am looking forward to seeing all the graphics and images from a different distance as I seldom looked at the screen!

Here's what crazy: This review should be over now, but I was about to hit "publish" and realized that I had not yet said anything about the vibe at the show. The music is fantastic, Taylor is an icon, but that isn't even the only thing that makes this the pure embodiment of joy. It's the crowd. It's the Swifties. This is not something I feel I can put into words well, but there is a palpable love in the air. Example, a guy comes up to me and says, "I have to just tell you, you're shirt is EVERYTHING!" Then we hug. In short, to usurp a random 80s song by The Blow Monkeys, "Taylor, I'm digging your scene."